How a Self-Defeating Mindset Is Toxic

 How do you let go of a self-defeating mindset?


What is a self-defeating mindset?

It is negative thoughts you believe about yourself or someone else. These thoughts constantly come up even when things are going well. There is always this doubt in the back of your mind. You believe that something bad is going to happen even though there is no indicator that it will.


What you think your actions will follow.

When you think these negative thoughts, you start to believe them. Once you believe them you start moving different. These actions start to align with the negative self-defeating thoughts making them true.

You do not want this. This outcome is counterproductive of what you really want. You really want happiness. You really want friends. You really want closer relationships. You really want wealth and power.

This negative self-defeating mindset leading to a negative self-fulfilling prophecy will only hold you back. You must acknowledge what you really want and fall into that.

You have to believe you deserve friends, happiness, and abundance. Turn that negative self-defeating mindset into a positive mindset. You are deserving of what will serve YOU. Do not let doubt and past negative experiences make you miss out on your blessing.


Why do you feel this way?

Is it because of fear? Fear of what-success, power, what people will think? Or may be a fear of losing yourself. Try to dig deep into why you feel the need to sabotage things.

I sometimes feel self-defeat when I’m too happy. Honestly, I do not believe I am deserving of happiness. Why? Because I think the happiness will soon end. So I guess in my mind it is better for me to push them away than for them to hurt me. I don’t know, that is only a surface explanation I can come up with at this time.

If I acquire more, will I lose the people around?

Will that be a bad thing or maybe meant to be?

In the end I wind up feeling defeated, not victorious.

We have to stop expecting the worst to happen. If the worst does happen, we have to be resilient. Have you made this far? That means you did not quit. That is being resilient. So what if you get hurt in your happiest moment; you will just have to get over it. It will take some time, how long is up to you, but you will make it through.


You cannot live life in FEAR

Fear is a hindrance. Fear is betraying. Fear is self-defeating the mind. Fear will have you constantly living with regrets.

I regret so much in my life due to fears. The fear to move out of state. The fear to tell my mom I was being molested. The fear to stand up for myself and set boundaries. The fear of being alone. The fear of what people will think.

I am being totally transparent right now. You see I have a lot of fears. This cannot be healthy. It is all I know. I must learn to release the fears. I just know how to keep moving.

The fear always comes back. I did not resolve the conflict of fear in my life thus it will keep coming back.


What is the Solution?

I do not have this figured out but now I am thinking, after writing this post, that the answer is letting go.

  • That has been very hard to me, letting go. I do not let go of people easily. I do not let go of materials. I do not let go of regrets and negativity. I can hold onto things that are doing me no good. That are instead hurting me or spoiling, falling apart anyway. Yet I would rather that than doing what is necessary to move on. Why? These feelings are what I have grown comfortable in. In order to grow, you have to get uncomfortable.
  • Accept what I can not change. Accept what is out of my control. I can not always control the outcome. Disappointment and hurt are part of the game of life. I have to build up resiliency to it and handle it more effectively.
  • Past hurt is in the past. There is nothing you can do about it now. You just have to move on. Does that mean forget? No. Figure out what went wrong and how to prevent the same thing from happening again if you can. In life there are lessons to be learned before we die.

I believe at this moment God has been speaking to me. Telling me “look you are holding on to way too much. Too much fear and anger. You must let go. You must change the way you view the world.”

Having a self-defeating mindset is toxic. Not just to those around you but also to yourself. A self-defeating mind with actions will only lead to more anger, bitterness, and being alone the more you push people away.


I hope you found something of value in this post. Some comfort maybe.


As always,

Be You Confidently


  • Very nice post! I also do mindset coaching and this is one of those topics I have been speaking on a lot, since the pandemic kicked off. The solutions you you came up with are spot on…keep up the amazing work!!!

  • OH my gosh! This was such a good read and very relatable! I struggle with having this mindset and I believe it’s mainly because I’ve grown so use to it and my environment is not the healthiest mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes physically.

    I am afraid of success because I never seen it honestly within my family so I’m afraid I’ll drop the ball or that it just wont happen even though I know it can. Your environment can play a big part of the mindset and that is where I fall short

    Azriel Johnson

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